Author: JGL Law

Suggestion:  How to Break the News of Your Divorce to Your Kids: Before, During and After the Discussion

When parents decide to end their marriage, one of their biggest concerns is how their children will cope with the news. Although children may struggle with this new transition, there are several things that parents can do to make it easier to break the news and to help their children get through the divorce process.

This is not easy. Divorce is inherently wrenching and difficult. Add to that the fact that most children are not well equipped to handle it. As psychologist Edward Kruk wrote in 2015 in Psychology Today:

The key to talking with children is to understand the experience of separation from their point of view, and to develop strategies that fit with each child’s age and stage of development. Children have a limited ability to understand what is happening during divorce, what they are feeling and why. Younger children see things from their own perspective, and tend to see themselves as the cause of events. They often blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. Further, most children secretly believe their parents will get back together, or wish that they would, and try to “fix” things and figure out ways of keeping them together. 

Before telling children about their intent to divorce, parents should sit down with each other and try to agree upon a script for the conversation. Parents should also pick a time and a place to hold the discussion. Parents should avoid times that conflict with a significant event, like one of their children’s birthdays, and should select a place that is free of distractions.

The couple should tell the children together, rather than explain the decision to separate individually, in his or her own way. Psychologist Donald T. Saposnek wrote recently in an online mediation journal that the concept of storytelling can be the key to making this painful conversation as effective and empathetic as possible. He wrote:

In my many years of working with divorcing families, I’ve learned that one of the most important first steps that parents can take in preparing their children for the changes ahead is to develop, together, a “mutual story of the divorce,” and to tell it to their children together as a family at the same time.

Once parents begin the conversation about their impending divorce, they should focus on the positives of the situation and emphasize that the divorce is not the children’s fault. Parents might tell the children that even though they will no longer be married, the children will still have two parents who love them very much. Additionally, parents should avoid blaming their spouse for the divorce and, instead, focus on assuring the children that they will try to keep their children’s day-to-day life as close to the way it was when both parents were there.

As the divorce process moves forward and a the new child sharing arrangement is established, there are aspirational steps that parents can take to help children cope with their situation:

• Parents should avoid confiding their worries to  their children. For instance, parents should not discuss any financial concerns with their children.
• Parents should avoid making negative comments about the other spouse to or in front of their children.
• While spending time with their children, parents should refrain from quizzing them about what happens at the other parent’s home.
• If possible, parents should avoid introducing major changes into their children’s lives soon after a separation.
• Parents should encourage their children to maintain the relationship they have with the other parent.
• Parents should continue to parent as they always have and not do things for their children because they feel guilty about the divorce.
• Parents should not use children as messengers. For example, requests to change the access schedule should be communicated directly from parent to parent and not through a child.

Although parents may be prepared to help their children through the divorce process, they may still have concerns about how much time they will have with their children after a separation. Parents with these or similar concerns should reach out to an attorney who can guide them through this process.

Brian Markovitz will speak at the 2017 Jackson Lewis Government Contractor Symposium. The new administration may bring big changes to employment law. Click the image below for more details.

 

Our Jay Holland has been quoted in the Washington Blade. This time about a major transgender rights case that may reach some of the highest courts. Click below for the full story. 

 

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We are proud the news media reaches out to our attorneys frequently. Our Jay Holland has been helping the public understand the legal implications Trump’s travel ban. Click below for the latest. 

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You are going to get married (or re-married). You have minor children (or no children).  You own a business.  You own a house.  You have substantial net worth.   Since you already own your own house and business before the marriage, as you understand it, in the off-chance it does not work out you will be okay financially.  Not exactly?   

While it is true that assets that are acquired prior to marriage, or that are acquired through a gift or inheritance are non-marital property – during the marriage they don’t always remain so. If the business you are operating continues to grow through the marriage, the appreciation in the value of that business may become marital property.  Many state have laws that say that active efforts of the owner spouse during the marriage can result in a non-marital assets becoming a marital asset.  As a result, that growth that your business has experienced becomes marital property as well. It does not mean that the entire business becomes marital property, but some portion of it is jointly owned by you and your new spouse which means that if things do not work out – your new spouse is going to have his or her share of that business coming to them. This can create significant problems when it comes time to divide up the marital estate. It may be that most of your assets are tied up in that business and it may then become difficult to buy your new spouse out of it.

During the marriage, chances are that for one reason or another, you will refinance your homes.  You will either take money out of the home or deposit it into a bank account shared with your spouse or for credit purposes (or marital pressure) add your spouse to the house title.  All of these can convert your premarital home into a marital asset.  Indeed, many state laws say that if a house (regardless if it was purchased prior to the marriage) is jointly titled at the time of a divorce, that house will be considered marital property.  So if you own your own house before getting married, you want to make sure you are protected. 

Monies in savings or investment accounts can also turn marital.  If it is passively invested, then in theory there is no issue — you put no effort into causing it to increase in value after marriage, and provided that you never put it into a jointly-titled account, or transferred it to an account opened after marriage it will be safe. The problem is that in real life things don’t usually work this way. Inevitably, some effort may go into managing it or at some point money will be moved from one account to another. And in the course of a marriage that lasts many years, things may come up that require the use of funds for a joint purpose that came from a separate property source and now require extensive accounting to trace back to that source

There is one way to avoid these problems- sign a Prenuptial Agreement.  A Prenuptial Agreement or “Prenup” for short, can ensure that what is intended to remain separate does. With a Prenup you can decided how assets are divided between you and your spouse and how much (if any) monetary support is exchanged between the two you.  In essence, you and your spouse get to pre-determine the outcome of your divorce instead of a judge.  There are some things that a Pre-nup cannot pre-determine- mainly custody of children and child support.  But a seasoned divorce lawyer can help navigate this area of the law with some guidelines and procedures.  Prenup also has some marital benefits as it forces the couple to discuss what they are going to do with their finances. It sets the stage for the marriage.  It educates both parties about the other’s financial situation.

As unpleasant as the subject matter may be, in truth there are reasons to bring the subject up that may make the relationship going more smoothly, and offer the asset protection that either or both spouses are looking for.   So who signs a Prenup?

Generally, there are three (3) instances that a Prenup is signed.  The most common instance is a second marriage.  The second is when one spouse has substantial assets to protect (such as a business or family inheritance).  The third is the executive spouse. 

But not all PreNups are rock solid.  Most Courts have accepted Prenups when a) there is full financial disclosure (meaning both sides have provided accurate and complete financial picture of the their assets) b) the agreement is not unconscionable (a complicated legal concept but which in essence means the terms are fair) and c) both sides had independent legal counsel (each spouse had their own attorneys-or opportunity to obtain his or her attorney- and had ample time to discuss the terms with them).  If you are going to sign a Prenup make sure that it is done correctly and it follow the law.  Do your homework.  Meet with a competent and trusted legal advisor well in advance of your wedding.  Talk to your spouse and make sure that you are completely transparent.  It is always better (and many times cheaper) to be safe than sorry. 

 

If you are looking for a trusted divorce attorney, contact me directly at 240.399.7892 or by email at rgolesorkhi@jgllaw.com

JGL’s Jay Holland has had a busy week with reporters. Three of them looked to him for quotes in the span of seven days! Here’s the latest article from Law360 on recent trans-rights rulings. Click the image below. 

 

A recent issue of Bloomberg Law weighed in on a recent federal court decision. Click below for the full details. 

 

JGL’s Jay Holland gave the publication some info on transgender issues making their way through the courts. Full article below. 

 

Our attorney Jay Holland made it into a recent article from The Hill. Click below for the full story.

 

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